The Israeli – Palestinian conflict has once again reared its ugly head, this time ignited by the assassination of Hamas militant leader Ahmed Jabari. The ensuring TIT for tat violence has killed almost one hundred people, both Arab and Israeli, and by all predictions there are many more to come.
Of all the missiles, rockets and stones launched in the past week, the Israeli government and the Orwellian named Israeli Defence Force, have also been successful in deploying their ‘argot missiles,’ designed to confuse the wider population, lessen the impact of their air strikes and justify the deaths of innocent women and children.
Argot missiles are the most common form used in the world today and they are detonated by governments all around the world to criminalise, dehumanise and justify violence against various minority groups.
A short guide to some of the Israeli argot missiles launched in the last week follows:
The Defender – the most commonly launched of all Israeli argot missiles.
‘We have the right to defend ourselves,’ means, ‘we have the right to bomb Palestinian land at any time we choose and so be it for any Palestinian who happens to be there,’
The Regrettable – a quieter, secondary missile, often following strikes made by The Defender, yet not employed with as much celebration.
‘Civilians deaths are regrettable,’ means, ‘if any civilians were killed our air strikes, that’s unfortunate, but they are only Palestinian children who were probably going to grow up to be terrorists anyway, so we will not be losing any sleep over it, nor reigning in our campaign,’
The Surgical Striker – a powerful weapon that produces a hazy mist upon impact, ensuring those who fired it can claim military expertise or computer error.
‘Surgical strikes,’ means that when a Palestinian is hit by an Israeli missile they will most definitely need surgery – if they survive.
The Restraint – after The Defender, possibly the most inappropriately named of all argot missiles. Restraint is seldom used by the Knesset and if ever it is, it is only after indiscriminate use of Defenders and one too many Regrettables.
‘We are showing restraint,’ means, ‘we are trying to inflict as much damage as is possible and internationally acceptable in the shortest amount of time, before the US taps us on the shoulders and says it is enough. So think yourselves lucky, imagine what we would do if we really wanted to!’
The Double War Crime – a recent addition to the machinery, deployed by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu last week as Israeli rockets began destroying Gaza. When a Double War Crime is committed a Single War Crime is apparently justifiable.
‘The terrorists are committing a double war crime,’ means, ‘Israel is only committing a single war crime by bombing women and children and that is ok if the others are committing a double war crime of using human shields,’
The Human Shield – the human shield is only ever used by the enemy, the terrorists, the other. When ‘targets’ have the audacity to be in their own homes with their families (or not) or be driving along crowded streets or be in some other populated area, then those who are firing the missiles are powerless to stop ‘regrettable’ civilian casualties. ‘What could we do? Not fire our missiles? Come on now, that’s crazy talk. What’s that? Oh yeah, of course, we regret the civilian causalities,’
Other confusing expressions surround this timeless conflict, including the often mentioned, yet elusive ‘ceasefire.’
‘Both sides are working towards a ceasefire,’
‘Talks are underway for a ceasefire,’
‘Envoy arrives to discuss ceasefire,’
‘Officials arrive in Cairo for ceasefire,’
You know the headlines.
In actual fact it all means, ‘Egypt, the Arab League, the US, UN and other interested nations are begging/warning/pleading/telling (depending on what you believe), behind closed doors, that Israeli stop bombing Palestine back to oblivion,’
In fact the only plain speaking truth in the whole damn ugly conflict is when Israel claims they will bomb Gaza back to the Middle Ages, even then what they really mean is, ‘Holy Shit, those Arab monkeys have some serious rockets from Iran, let’s fix those fuckers good, that will teach them for electing a terrorist government that we do not like, in elections cited as free and fair, then having a conniption fit when we exercise our right to assassinate their leaders, not to mention a few women and children, bomb their lands, destroy their schools and other public buildings, checkpoint their daily lives and build walls to keep their grimy, thieving Arab hands off our Holy Land. Then they still manage to survive in their tiny little shithole of a land called Gaza, while the world has been trying their best to strangle them into economic and humanitarian oblivion. Arrogant fuckers, we’ll fix them good.’