My name is Kevin and I am offering this item for sale.
Originally purchased in 1901, from a small, family run pawn shop in inner city Melbourne, this moral compass has a distinguished history in our organisation. It has guided us through international wars, industrial disputes, social change and economic evolution. However, over recent years we have used it less and less and it is now considered something of a 20th century relic.
As an organisation we have found that pandering to bigots in marginal seats a far more effective guide to policy development than consulting this dusty old hunk of metal.
The moral compass is in reasonable condition, considering it is over 100 years old. It is quite dusty from years of non use and has tended to point to the right lately, otherwise it works fine.
If you would like to purchase our moral compass please contact me, Kevin Rudd, or Tony Burke, Brendan O’Connor or Chris Bowen.