Following the runaway success of last year’s ALP produced ‘Children in Detention!’ Australian audiences will this year be wowed with the coalition’s own production, ‘Border Protection: The Musical.’

In his debut stage performance, Scott Morrison will star in the lead role of ‘Immigration Minister,’ supported by Tony Abbott playing the role of ‘Prime Minister’ and Angus Campbell as ‘The Three Star General.’  Labor Senator Penny Wong, comedian Anh Do and celebrity chef Poh Ling Yeow were all approached by director John Howard to play the roles of Indonesian people smugglers, however all three declined.

To assist with Morrison’s preparation, he has been mentored by former ‘Children Overboard!’ and ‘Pacific Solution’ star Philip Ruddock, who attracted international acclaim for his depiction as a mean spirited Immigration Minister from 1996 – 2001.  When asked this week for a comment on Morrison’s preparations, Ruddock said ██████████████████.

Rehearsals of 'Border Protection: The Musical'
Rehearsals of ‘Border Protection: The Musical’

In an unusual twist on traditional stage productions, ‘Border Protection: The Musical’ will feature no dialogue from the shows stars and no musical numbers or dance routines will be performed.  Details are sketchy, but it is expected that the 3 and ½ hour performance, without intermission, will involve Scott Morrison standing at a lectern, with a large Australian flag behind him while the theatre PA system plays a pre-recorded speech.  The speech will reportedly include statements regarding ██████████████ and ██████████████████.  Angus Campbell as ‘The Three Star General’ will perform the only acrobatics of the night when he swings down on a rope in a Superman costume to rescue a young Australian child, played by Christopher Pyne, from a group of marauding, bearded, ‘Middle Eastern looking’ men in cloaks.

Initially, it was feared that audiences would not even be allowed to enter the auditorium however the show’s producers, Sovereign Border Operations, have clarified that any members of the public who ‘successfully engage with the robust and complex obligations of the show’s production company’ will be allowed in.  When pressed for clarification on what exactly this meant, SBO spokesperson Mr. ███████ said ██████████████████.

Enthusiastic fans applauding the arrival of the show's star, Scott Morrison
Enthusiastic fans applauding the arrival of the show’s star, Scott Morrison

Despite the unusual slant taken by the show’s producers, ‘Border Protection: The Musical’ is generating considerable buzz and favourable comments in the nation’s media.  The Herald Sun’s Andrew Bolt has hailed the show as ‘a common sense approach to stage performance,’ the Daily Telegraph’s Piers Akerman wrote, ‘this is possibly the best Australian production since 1901’s ‘White Australia Policy,’ which if I can say, ran for over 50 years!’ and The Australian’s Janet Albrechtsen, in an interview with 2GB’s Alan Jones this week, mused that the production ‘reflects the values of Australia in the 21st century.’  ABC movie critics Margaret and David reviewed ‘Border Protection: The Musical’ and gave it ██ stars, stating ████████████████████.

‘Border Protection: The Musical’ will open at ███████████ theatre on ██████████.  Tickets are available at █████████████.