The militant group ISIL (ISIS) who are currently brutalising their way through Syria and Iraq, announced overnight that after capturing Baghdad they have set their sights on the Victorian country town of Bendigo.

Just days ago ISIL took the Iraqi city of Baquoba, 60 kilometres north of Baghdad and are now closing in on the capital. In what many Bendigo residents are claiming cannot be a coincidence, plans for a $3 million Mosque were approved this week, amongst vocal community opposition.

At a fiery community forum it was revealed that the Mosque would host radical activities such as prayers, weddings, funerals and community lectures. Local man Murray Davis and his wife Noelene who described themselves as ‘not racist or bigoted and not against the country of Islam, but just standing up for the rights of Australians’ asked why these activities could not be conducted in existing churches and community centres and why these ‘bearded, burqa wearing, child marrying, filthy towel heads could not just fuck off back to their own country?’ A Facebook page has also been created, ‘Stop the Mosque in Bendigo,’ which has attracted over 7,000 likes.

Bendigo residents at a community forum this week.
Bendigo residents at a community forum this week.

However in a radical overnight development, that Mr Davis has pointed to for support, ISIL spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani carefully outlined the groups plans for Bendigo. In an online video, al-Adani explained the suitability for Bendigo as the headquarters for an ‘Islamic state of Australia,’ citing the favourable year round climate, long established bank and newspapers and good public transport access, including Calder Freeway access to Melbourne and proposed Regional Rail Link.

‘When waging global Jihad against the infidels, a moderate climate is ideal and Bendigo provides that – do you have any idea how hot it gets under all this clothing, out here in the desert? Bendigo also has, according to our research, many excellent country style bakeries, heritage tourism sites and bushwalks, all of which are great for those days when we need a day off from fighting our Jihad against the evil infidel dogs. Finally, we will use Bendigo’s Groovin’ the Moo festival as a recruiting ground for our global takeover – and your increasing numbers of bearded hipsters will make it easy for us to infiltrate your godless society.’

ISIL members marching through the streets of Baquoba, recruiting their assault on Bendigo
ISIL members marching through the streets of Baquoba, recruiting their impending assault on Bendigo

Objections to the Mosque number 432 (out of the 80,000 strong regional city) however Mr Davis believes he will ultimately succeed in stopping the project and has stated he is now working on a ‘6 point plan’ to take to VCAT to contest it.