A sensational eleventh hour ruling by FIFA has seen Australia’s Socceroos qualify for the round of 16 at the 2014 Brasilian World Cup.
Despite initially finishing on the bottom of Group B, behind Holland’s ‘The Netherlands,’ Chile and 2010 champions Spain, Australia have progressed to the round of 16 due to a little known FIFA rule known as the ‘Foster clause.’
The ‘Foster clause’ named for the former Australian midfielder and now SBS commentator Craig Foster, states that should it be proven that a team ‘should have’ and ‘could have’ won their first round games, they can progress. In an emergency meeting convened overnight in Sao Paulo, FIFA officials reviewed the evidence and declared that Australia qualified for this clause and as such, leapfrog Spain and Chile to move into second place in Group B.
A statement released by FIFA cited Foster’s comments after the Chile game that, despite their 3 – 1 victory the Chileans were left ‘licking their wounds’ and that if Australia did not give up the first 2 goals and Tim Cahill’s second goal was not called offside, then Australia would have won the game 2 – 1. Following these revelations Australia was retrospectively awarded 3 points and Chile stripped of their points.
In their second match, against Holland’s ‘The Netherlands,’ the original scoreline stood at 3 – 2, however Australia has been retrospectively credited with a draw and one point. On review, FIFA agreed with the comments by Foster that Australia did not ‘deserve’ the 3 – 2 scoreline and a 2 – 2 was more fitting to their effort.
In their final pool game, against reigning champions Spain, FIFA officials again awarded Australia the full 3 points for the game, despite them not scoring a goal in the game. Once again, FIFA cited Foster’s post match comments that Australia ‘deserved’ a goal and that ‘if Australia had their players today [Spain], they would have won the game.’ FIFA credited Australian captain Mile Jedinak with the goal in the revised 1 – 0 victory, which means he surpasses England’s Wayne Rooney in the all time World Cup goal tally.
In the revised Group B standings, Holland’s ‘The Netherlands’ finish on top of the table, with Australia second on ‘goals for,’ Chile move to third and Spain fourth. Australia now goes on play Brasil in the round of 16, however experts are wary of a repeat ruling against the hosts and one of the tournament favourites, nevertheless, Australia have now matched their efforts of 2006, when they reached the round of 16 only to be beaten by those bloody cheating Italians.
open fire 
that is first-class. much better than anything Craig Foster, in his role as executive analyst has come up with since we have been forced to listen to his nonsense on a nightly basis. I once read an article published under his name in the Sun-Herald newspaper and, despite reading much of it 2 or 3 times, it still made no sense. however, the word ‘pedigree’ was used sufficiently to give the article ‘foodball’ credibility. Les Murray – Australia’s biggest media fraud and a FIFA puppet – is responsible for foisting Foster on an unprotected public. between the two of them – Foster & Murray – I come away from each World Cup classical exhibition of fair play, respect for opposition players and officials more confused than ever. this world cup ranks as the most hypocritical sporting event I have ever observed. ‘foodball’, like the egos in the spotlight each game, is out of control and serving the wrong masters. as Luis Suarez says … ‘who’s for lunch?’
Foster thinks he’s the world’s greatest pundit…..but his comment of ‘If we had their players today we would have won’….what a plonker….your not a pundit…..your just an embarrassing mug Foster!
The Netherlands is the nation, Holland is a province of that nation. So the team is from The Netherlands, not Holland.
gold! the whole country celebrated a 3-0 …ridiculous
Stop writing holland ‘the Netherlands’ the country is the Netherlands you twit
You do realise this whole article is satire don’t you?
Thank you Jas, I’m glad somebody understands! 😀
Thats so awesome. Go aussies
This is absolutely hilarious
Haha hilarious. I don’t have a problem with foster he’s just passionate, but this article is great value haha
Can I just explain something people are either missing the context to or just don’t understand – the “if we had their players” comment was in the context of him talking about out style of play, the way we played, and how there is nothing we can do about the quality of players we have at the moment, we don’t have the quality they do (the Dutch, which is who he was talking about) – what he was saying was what is in our control was a positive, and now we need to develop the players that can enable us to bridge the gap because as he was saying we don’t have that quality of player, those world class finishers like van persie and robben – that’s what he was referring to. Not as stupid as it sounds when taken as a lone statement in isolation.
I can see why he annoys people though, he’s very confident in his opinion that’s for sure.
Anyway great read, had a good laugh haha cheers.
Go HOLLAND, Go Holland !!!!! Sounds much better that Go NETHERLANDS ….. yep, it’s Holland for me ….. GOOOOOOO HOLLAND !!
The right slogan is “Hup Holland Hup!” I’m Dutch and from Amsterdam in one of the two most populated provinces. It’s either Holland or Nederland. Noooo Netherlands! It’s one country these days so drop the “s”. Besides that, im glad not to live there anymore. Well done Australia. Maybe next time? Chile was just that little bit better and ye lost against Spain…..
Hilarious, really enjoyed this – and by the way, I live in the Netherlands at the moment, and most of (very many) signs and banners are for ‘Holland’, and the cheer is ‘Hup Hup Holland’, so go figure.
I’m all for the Australian team. But these rulings make no sense at all. Whether or not a team, “deserved to win”, or, “should have won”, are entirely subjective criteria. There is no possible test for proving this. As with any sporting contest. Luck is a very strong component of any contest, and that is what makes the game interesting. The strongest team does not always win. If they did, then there would be no point in watching the game, would there? For some group of officials to retrospectively rewrite the scoreboard is ludicrous in the extreme.
The only thing better than reading this article is reading the comments. To the mug above, it is written in good humour and satire. Cretins.
Oh… My… God…. Are you serious Benjamin??? Wow.. Bring back natural selection.
is that Australian humour?? Good Night!
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Italy cheated in the 2006 World Cup. Brazil or France should have he play off for the top spot! And Australia should be promoted again still. The Italian team were shit (merda) and were nearly beaten by New Zealand in 2010 (South Africa) . Corrupt FIFA officials did all they could to stop the Socceroos or any other English speaking team for qualifys about English holigans.reing into the final rounds. Also Sepp Blatter has nightma