A spokesman for the Islamic State, also known as ISIS or ISIL, has announced that the group plans to change its name.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the self proclaimed Emir of the Caliphate made the announcement overnight.

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, prefers to wear black because it is a 'slimming colour'
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, prefers to wear black because it is a ‘slimming colour’

‘Attention all you infidel pig-dogs – the Islamic State is changing its name. This decision comes after many months of deliberation and we feel it is the best decision for us, as we move forward to destroy your civilisation.

First of all, we realise there has been much confusion over our name, should you refer to us as Islamic State, ISIS or ISIL? We apologise for this, just as you will apologise for your corrupt and infidel way of life! Having multiple names has also delayed our domain name registration and has caused great confusion with our twitter account. Nevertheless, I am getting off the subject.

Now, you unholy goatfuckers, in choosing our new name, we wanted something which would see us avoid the attention of your imperialist governments, we want to “fly under the radar” as you say and be ignored. Our new name will ensure you have no interest in us and reallocate your colossal war budgets back to al Qaeda and the Taliban. We also want a name which really resonates with death and strikes fear and uncertainty in your ungodly civilian populations.

For this reason, the Islamic State will now be known as Ebola State. We have witnessed over many months that your murderous governments have ignored the spread of this “Ebola” and even allowed those carrying it into your disgusting USA, something which we can only dream of at IS headquarters. We will also be relocating our offices to West Africa, where we will be able to link with our brothers in Boko Haram and roam freely, without being disturbed by your Zionist and imperialist war mongering governments.’

Since the announcement, President Obama has declared ‘Mission Accomplished’ but still has plans to bomb Iraq because, well, the American population is all excited now and it wouldn’t be right to let them down right at the last minute.