Prime Minister Tony Abbott has been unveiled as the national ambassador for prostate cancer awareness month, launching in September.

The decision was inadvertently announced on Monday night’s Q and A program, before being confirmed this morning.

The announcement, viewed as controversial by some, was explained by AMA President Brian Owler at a press conference in Sydney today.

‘We looked around this big brown country of ours and thought deeply about who best represents assholes in Australia. Who is most in touch with the qualities of an asshole – being full of shit, producing pointless yet often humourous sounds, smells bad and leaves a nasty taste in one’s mouth, really, in the end the conclusion was obvious. Tony, as the suppository of all wisdom in this country and the man who once declared he would sell his arse to become PM, is our unanimous and proud choice as ambassador.’

A giant asshole, standing next to a pig carcass
A giant asshole, standing next to a pig carcass

‘We did consider many other candidates, Bill Shorten for example, who has a history of fucking people from behind – metaphorically speaking, former Immigration Minister Scott Morrison, though his recent spread in Women’s Weekly presents him as more of a bleached asshole, which is not a message we want to promote and finally, Alan Jones, who, gay jokes aside, encapsulates a lot of our message, being that he is a tired old asshole prone to strange and unusual outbursts – and please, if you are having those symptoms see you doctor quickly!’

The Prime Minister’s office has not yet commented on the announcement, however it is believed that after the initial shock, which apparently bought tears to the PM’s eyes, he is now growing used to the idea and is keen to explore other positions in the future.

Advertisements