Brock Turner seems to have trouble understanding what behaviour is acceptable when confronted with an unconscious person. Here is a guide to help Brock and other men like him.
My friend passed out and I put bunny ears on him, his hand down and his pants and a porno magazine on him, is this ok?
Hell yeah, that is hilarious! Party on Wayne!
I saw this girl lying on a bench passed out drunk, what should I do?
- Call the police or ambulance to take her home
- Rape her and then blame her for passing out and wearing the wrong clothes?
- See if her friends are around to help her
My friend passed out so I drew texta all over him, is this ok?
Yes, it’ll be annoying for him when he wakes up, but it’s still pretty funny. Everyone laughs at a giant penis.
Call for a stretcher and clap him off the ground (don’t rape him!).
My friend passed out drunk so we put his head in a toilet, is this ok?
It’s pretty harsh, but makes a hilarious photo on the internet. As long as he doesn’t drown it’s ok.
Hmm, what should I do here?
- Shoo her friend away, rape her and a blame ‘the drinking culture’ on behaviour I have chosen to do
- Help her and her friend get home safely by calling a taxi for them
What should the policeman do?
- Draw a giant penis on his forehead
- Shoot those unarmed black men who are approaching and obviously coming to attack the poor defenceless white man
- Position him like a safari trophy kill and pose for a photo
- Help him
Is this girl…
- Asking for it
- Consenting to sex
- Being suggestive
- Vulnerable and in need of help
My friend passed out, so we surrounded his body with empty bottles, is this ok?
You bet it is and posting it on the internet for all eternity is even better.
My friend passed out when drunk, so we shaved a face into his hair and put glasses and lipstick on him, is this ok?
This is the best of all the pranks, hilarious! Extra points for imagination, effort and for doing this while you were probably off your face as well.
So how did you go, do you know the difference between non-consenting penises and giant cartoon penises? Are you likely to end up in court blaming the drinking and partying culture for behaviour which is universally condemned, but which you chose to do anyway because you thought you could get away with it, or will you do the right thing even if you never receive any plaudits or public adulation?