In his first press conference since sensationally losing the US Presidential election, Republican candidate Donald Trump has denied ever running for President.

In front of a crowd of enthusiastic supporters Trump bellowed, ‘I never said I was running for President, I never said that.  Who heard me say that?  The answer is nobody, because I never said it,’ to which the crowd roared in unison, before chanting U-S-A, U-S-A!

...and while we're at it let's reintroduce slavery, displace indigenous populations and take away women's right to vote
Trump supporters not at a presidential rally

‘When I have talked recently about making America great again, I meant g-r-a-t-e and I think over the past 12 months I can proudly say I have achieved that.  However, if I ever decide to run for President, which may happen one day, it may happen, I can assure you all of one thing – I. WOULD. WIN!’  At this declaration the crowd again went into raptures before chanting ‘Trump 20-20, Trump 20-20!’

‘These rumours, these vicious rumours about me, started by Hilary Clinton, the Washington elites and the disgusting media – they are wrong.  Simply wrong.  And I will sue, I will sue anybody who says that I ran for President – it didn’t happen, it simply didn’t happen.

Trump’s running mate Mike Pence did not return calls when asked to comment.

Thanks for the memories Donald, regards 2016
Thanks for the memories Donald, regards 2016