Scientists at the University of Michigan believe they have discovered the key to Donald Trump’s electoral success.
While most of the world is still scrambling to explain how Donald ‘Grab them by the Pussy’ Trump will succeed Barack ‘2009 Nobel Prize Winner’ Obama as US President, the team from Michigan have come up with a theory, monosyllablappealism.
Monosyllablappealism was developed after the team studied the past 100 years of Republican Presidents and discovered that apart from Dwight D. Eisenhower, all had either 1 or 2 syllable surnames.
Their conclusion is that Presidential nominees with more than 2 syllables in their name, for example ‘Hilary Rodham Clinton,’ simply confuse the bulk of the American electorate. Names with more than 2 syllables are too long to chant at political rallies and voters cannot identify ‘all those letters’ at the voting booth.
The team’s studies are supported by the fact that 63 million American adults read between a sixth and eighth grade level, the current US illiteracy rate (by %) is largely unchanged since 1992 and estimated to be around 32 million, (Trump received 59 million votes and by his own accounts, ‘loves the poorly educated’).
The scientists conclude that for the Democrats to have any chance in 2020 they should preselect either Justin Bieber, Bon Jovi or Kid Rock.
US Republican Presidents since 1909
No. 27: Taft
No. 29: Har – ding
No. 30: Cool – idge
No. 31: Hoo – ver
No. 34: Eisenhower* (the team note that he was also known as ‘Ike’ which strengthens their theory and he never took America to war, so was probably as Democrat anyway)
No. 37: Nix – on
No. 38: Ford
No. 40: Rea – gan
No. 41: Bush
No. 43: Bush
No. 45: Trump