Australians have been urged to exercise a high degree of caution this Australia Day as the nation’s ‘dickhead alert’ level is raised to extreme.
Intelligence agencies have been monitoring dickhead behaviour and online chatter throughout 2015 – 16 and detected high levels at Sydney Swans AFL games, during last year’s federal election and at large gatherings in Bendigo, Ipswich, Cranbourne and Cronulla.
Dickhead experts released a heat map this week, showing what they believe to be the epicentre of dickhead behaviour in Australia, the state of Queensland. High levels of dickhead activity have been detected in the Sunshine State for decades and a sharp increase was recorded in July last year.
ASIO Director General Duncan Lewis warned that dickhead behaviour is frequently detected on 26th January and that the population should be well prepared, as it can strike anywhere. Common sites include beaches, public barbeques, bottle shops, train stations and meetings of the Q Society.
Mr Lewis warned Australians to be on the lookout for groups of young men and women wearing Australian flags as capes, bare chested men with Southern Cross tattoos, other young men revving cars unnecessarily and social media trolls with poor grammar, bad spelling and weak arguments.
Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has advised that the dickhead alert level is unlikely to decrease anytime soon, especially since the inauguration of Donald Trump, re-election of Pauline Hanson and Cory Bernadi’s promise of ‘massive plans’ in 2017.